The term “hidden gem” is thrown around a lot these days, but what happens when a franchise is neither hidden, nor a gem, but seems to be forgotten even as new films release. How can a big-budget blockbuster be simultaneously financially successful and completely culturally insignificant? There are three G.I. Joe films, with a fourth upcoming at an uncertain time. The first two films,The Rise of CobraandRetaliation, were financially successful, but this year’sSnake Eyesflopped pretty badly.
TheG.I. Joefranchise is an adaptation of the popular toy and cartoon media empire of the same name which originated in the sixties and was most well-known in the eighties.Produced by Hasbro, the films center around a modernized G.I. Joe team in their struggles against the evil Cobra organization.
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Heavily laden with CGI, terrible dialogue, and large-scale action setpieces, these films are straightforward dumb action films. Robot suits, comical vehicles, explosions, ninjas, musclebound giants, are all thrown against the wall to see what sticks in these poorly constructed blockbusters. Despite the high-profile brand name and the previous box office success, the only conversation surrounding the films tends to be the witheringly harsh reviews. Despite this, the first two films performed very well for their station. The first film was the 16th best-selling film of 2009, outperforming hits likeWatchmen,Terminator Salvation,andTaken.
Any discussion of theG.I. Joefilm franchise is pointless without discussing the entire reason for its existence; the mindblowing success of Michael Bay’sTransformersfilms. The best-selling film of 2009, the year ofTheRise of Cobra’s release, wasTransformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the second film of that franchise. Hasbro saw tremendous success withTransformers,despite the film’s quality, and attempted to recreate the model with another toy turned cartoon from the same era. The films even look alike; made up of overly busy, gun-metal gray, awkwardly jingoistic, utterly dull visual design.
G.I. Joefeels like a lackluster spin-off of an already dire franchise, and its blatant attempt to cynically replicate a previous film’s business model makes it feel dirty. Any savvy viewer will notice the creatively bankrupt marketing scheme, and even if they aren’t paying attention, the film apingBay’s whole aestheticmakes it unavoidable. People don’t generally like when a film allows its shallow commercialism to easily eclipse every other element of the project. However, if the films had been really good, perhaps people would’ve looked past its crude elements.
Alas, theG.I. Joefilms are all pretty terrible. A comfortable 36% is the high point of the franchise’s Rotten Tomatoes scores, and the audience scores top out at 74%. The film with those all-time best scores wasthis year’s spin-offSnake Eyes, which, despite its slightly better reception, was a staggering flop sales-wise. This was, in large part, a product of the pandemic which kept people out of theaters.Snake Eyesis probably the best of the franchise, if only out of tonal consistency and basic storytelling. With a crass business strategy and no substance behind its immediately offensive outer appearance, the G. I. Joe movies are bad from every angle. Disastrous from skin to core, theG.I. Joefilm franchise deserves its fate, but is there any good to be found in the pile?
The casting is probably the strongest element of the franchise. Such luminaries as Channing Tatum and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson held starring roles and performed admirably. The script leaves a ton to be desired, but it would take inspired levels of failure to rob The Rock of his charisma, so the leads are typically fun to watch. The secondary cast holds Lee Byung-Hun, who is excellent in nearly every role, and Sienna Miller, who carries herself well. Special commendationsgo to Henry Golding, who brought some real pathos to the title role ofSnake Eyes, perhaps the best main character performance in the franchise. In addition, some of the action scenes hold together ok. The films aren’t entirely without merit, but overcoming the twin hurdles that make up their entryway is basically impossible. The problem is comprehensive, making it a fool’s errand to try to pull diamonds out of this particular rough.
TheG.I. Joemovies are far from the worst films released, but the poison cocktail of crass consumerism, overstuffed competition, and general lack of quality has made them weak. Despite their profit and the apparent continuation of the series, it is unlikely that the cinema landscape will ever be affected by a film in this franchise. The silly action blockbuster will always have its place, andas long as the MCU reigns, adaptations of old kids' properties will remain powerful, but this particular genre stands out by fading away.
